Choose What's Happening Now

What would all the do-gooders worry about if suddenly all the bad guys became reformed and the world was at peace? Not that I would mind finding out, but sometimes I have to wonder if we "suffer," or view others as "suffering," simply because we are not being present in the moment, choosing whatever our life looks like right then.

Time to Speculate

What would happen if everyone could choose, individually, how much time their day consisted of? For instance: you choose 30 hours for today and your friend chooses only 10, but both of you have the perception that your days are the same length.

At some point in our lives, we've all said (or at least thought): "there's not enough time in a day..." or "I wish I had more time..." or "what I would give for just another hour to get this done..."

Well what if you really could have all the time you wanted before bedtime? What if you could stretch or shorten your day as much as you wish? Would you ever sleep again? Would you ever wake up? Would it be like the Twin Paradox where you've only aged a day but everyone else aged years or decades?

Just a fun thing to think about. I'm sure there's an episode of Twilight Zone or something out there with this idea. Or perhaps this is already how it is and that's why some people are more productive in their days than others!

What's In A Name?

I'm proofreading a book on Oceanography. I love doing this stuff because you learn inane bits of trivia that make you much more interesting than you really are at random parties. For instance...

Early Mediterranean cultures envisioned that marginal bodies of water similar to the Mediterranean Sea surrounded most of the continents. The name “Earth” describes the portion of the planet that is inhabited by man in spite of the fact that the majority of the planet’s surface is covered by water. Our planet was named before ocean exploration began.

Which says to me that if fish had developed the ability to talk before they could walk, the third rock from the Sun would be called Water and perhaps Mars would be Earth. And they would've all drowned before evolving onto land due to an inability to keep their mouths shut. Oh wait...

That's What I Call Home

How Would You Know?

I'm looking over some PDFs for a chemistry solutions book, and one of the solutions says:
When a particle is absolutely small it means that you cannot observe it without disturbing it.
When you observe the particle, it behaves differently than when you do not observe it.
How can they possibly know how it behaves when it's NOT observed, since knowing the answer to that would require that you observed something in the first place?! I know there is some scientific rationalization for things that are "not observed" but my Left Brain is going, "Wait... WHAT?!" and threatening to go all Blue Screen of Death* on me.
(Yes, you're right, my brain actually runs on Apple, but if it crashes I blame Microsloth like any other Mac Fanatic. :)
*Credit for BSOD graphic goes to Tully.

Red Lining

How to tell when you're using the computer too much: You're writing in a book, with old fashioned pen and ink, and for a split second you wait to see if a red underline appears under a word because you're not sure you spelled it correctly.

Oh yes, yes I did. Just now, writing in my gratitude journal. Pathetic!

Engineering Genius

Email conversation today with my genius (seriously high IQ, no kidding) engineer boyfriend...

(Sends me this picture from his iPhone):

Genius Boyfriend: Old one broke do I use new one on right or replace nozzle on old one?

Me (missing the fact that he said it was broke): Actually I like the original one better (on the left). Cleaner lines. More modern like the rest of downstairs.

Genius Boyfriend: I thought so since mom likes the new. I like the original better too.

Me: The second one isn't bad, but there was nothing wrong with the original. Why not put the second one in her bathroom since she likes it? Perhaps if you decide to re-do that bath you can use the soap thingy as the inspiration for what goes in there next. :)

Genius Boyfriend: I will do that. I tried to switch the broken top, and the second one is a different color.

Me (finally catching a clue): The top is broken? What happened?

Genius Boyfriend: It just doesnt squirt anymore.

Me: Have you tried filling the bottle?

(Long pause.)

Genius Boyfriend: filled the bottle. works now.

Blonde Moment

"You grow up the day you have the first real laugh...at yourself."

- Ethel Barrymore.

People driving next to me must think I'm schizophrenic. I often think something or see something that makes me bust out laughing and I'm in the car all by myself.

The other night I was driving home. I had stopped at Panera to grab some soup for dinner and they were just about to close. After grabbing my brown bag I decided I wanted coffee too and went back to the counter to pay. The dude said "Don't worry about it..." so I got a free coffee. AWESOMENESS. The only thing better than coffee is FREE coffee. Panera has really good coffee too - I mix the decaf with the hazelnut and OMG. Heaven!

So I'm driving home with free coffee in one hand and the wheel in the other thinking life is pretty darn happenin' right now. The cell phone was sitting on my lap and it rang. And I shit you not, I look at it and think, "Crap, if I answer it I won't have a hand to drive with! How will I answer the phone?!" As if NOT answering the phone was simply not an option. A nanosecond later I realized the absurdity of what I was thinking and totally laughed at myself. Then I put the coffee in the cup holder and answered the phone. (Not that that was the right thing to do either because really talking and driving is probably not that great.)

Even after hanging up, I started laughing again at how stereotype Hollywood my thoughts had been. You see them joke about these things in the movies and wonder, "Who DOES that kind of thing?!" Apparently I do. In a blonde moment. Oh well. This wasn't the first time I've cracked myself up. I sure hope it doesn't mean I'm GROWN up tho as the quote above would indicate!

Top Ten Clues You Are Over 40

1. You are no longer faking your inability to open a jar just to win points by making The Man feel all manly.

2. The Man actually IS a man, not just a Guy.

3. You feel like a pedophile when you receive Abercrombie's email ads with the hairless, naked boy-chest plastered across your screen. You also wonder if it's wrong to still like/wear their clothes.

4. You go to a concert and wish the kids around you would shut up and listen already.

5. You think of other concert-goers as "kids."

6. You cheat on the eye exam at DMV by casually walking up to the eye chart while waiting for your number to be called and memorizing the letters. (And think how lucky you are that you can remember that many letters!)

7. Retail clerks call you "M'am" instead of "Miss" to get your attention. You, of course, ignore them unless they walk over and get in your face because there is NO WAY "M'am" could be referring to you.

8. No one cards you anymore for anything, even if the sign says they card everyone under 80.

9. You receive a blank stare from the Starbucks barista when you make a joke about the Reagan Administration.

10. You no longer leave your clothes in piles on the floor - one for clean and one for dirty... oh wait...

(Yes, I wrote those. And no, leaving piles of clothes on the floor is not me. That would be the bf.)

She Sees You When You're Sneaking

Stomach: I need a snack.

Brain: Eat something healthy. There's apples - have one of those.

Stomach: Ok. But only if we put the butterscotch caramel on them that we were thinking about the other day when we bought the apples.

Brain: No. That's not healthy.

Stomach: Well YOU were the one thinking about it.

Brain: Yes, but it's not healthy.

Stomach: Screw that. Hey Arm - get the caramel out of the frig.

::Arm goes digging for caramel in frig::

Brain: There's organic peanut butter in here. That's much healthier. Put that on the apples instead.

Stomach: NO WAY!

Brain: Jason Mraz would eat peanut butter instead of caramel.

Stomach: Pffffttt. You're just trying to trick me! He can't be a nutritional saint 100% of the time.

Brain: How do you ever expect to lose those extra five pounds if you eat caramel instead of peanut butter?

Stomach: It's OCTOBER. Apples and caramel go together in October.

Brain: That's a crappy excuse.

Stomach: Will be when *I'm* done with it.

Brian: hardee har har. Eat the peanut butter.

Stomach: No.

Brain: Karma is a bitch. You've met her before.

Stomach: I promise to stop eating sugar tomorrow.

"...and that's how I got here. How did YOU end up in this handbasket?" I asked.

Ignite San Diego

I came across this idea today through a former colleague on LinkedIn. Amazing what kind of info comes out of the nooks and crannies of the Net. Anyway, check it out...

http://ignite.oreilly.com/

What a cool idea! You get five minutes on stage in front of a crowd to cover practically any topic you want, you get a slide presentation (probably made by you I imagine) that changes every 15 seconds whether you like it or not, so you have to time your talk accordingly. It's like Toastmasters for Generation Y.

You'd think five minutes isn't a long time, but once you're in front of a crowd with pressure to talk about something for that long, trust me, it's a LOOOONNNG time. Unless you're one of those people that LOVES attention and can't shut up, then perhaps it would be not enough time. Either way tho, what an interesting way to spread information! Especially because you get 20 pictures (correct me if I'm wrong because we all know I suck at math) and if pictures are worth a thousand words, then no matter how fast you talk, you just got an extra 20,000 words in!

Automatic Wisdom

Recently I received an email newsletter from Mark Morford, who is one of my journalistic heroes. It was mostly an update on his new book, which is not out yet because he didn't pick ME to be the project manager on it even tho I offered to do it FOR FREE (and he actually laments the fact that he picked the wrong people to publish it in his newsletter - not that his requiem had anything to do with me personally as I'm quite sure he still has no clue who I am, but I DID offer and I WOULD'VE been kick ass), but that's neither here nor there.

In the newsletter he has links to his web site of course, but I've seen that before. What I hadn't seen was his new yoga web site (yes I did just type "toga" by mistake - too funny) so I went to check it out. Generally I hate pages that play music without asking first, but the initial song on this site was soothing and peaceful so I couldn't complain. I wrote him email to ask what the title is. While I'm not really sure if he'll send me the answer (but I hope so), I was pleased to get the following autoresponse with all the flavor that is inherently Morford:

It is entirely possible that you are made of divine light and cosmic dust and that all your memories and all your plans and all your masks are merely drinking games the gods play to keep themselves entertained and you enthralled while you try and figure out how to evolve toward the next transformation. Or maybe not.

Drinking games the Gods play. This is why I think he's awesome.

Of course the imp in me is totally tempted to keep sending emails to see if there are different responses or the same one each time. I would have to collect them all if they were different. I'm sure that would endear me to him right away. LOL

~*~

HA!! And just like that I got an answer! The song is by Moby, the title is Everloving. Ironically, just a few weeks ago I was in Texas at a friend's house and I raided their CD collection. Much of what I loaded to my iTunes was Moby because I'd like to know his music better and as the Gods would have it, Everloving was one of the songs! Woo! I love when the Universe plans ahead. :)

Update on That Wedding Video

Okay, this was really funny!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Someday...

My sister posted this on her Facebook and I think it's SO cool it had to be re-posted here. This is nothing short of BRILLIANT. I wish I'd thought of it myself, but lemme tell ya, if that day ever comes for me, I am SO TOTALLY stealing that idea and improving on it. Do you think fire jugglers would be too much? I mean, let's face it. There's no way I'm marrying someone "normal" anyway. And at least then when my family talks about what a circus my life is, they will be absolutely correct! Bonus!

Another Notch on the Birthday Cake

As of 11:36am EST today, I have been on this planet attached to this body for 40 years. I don't feel any different than yesterday, or even any different from the day I turned 30. I think people make fun of these landmark birthdays because they're afraid of their own mortality.

It's just another number to me - a label that identifies your place in society, like your social security number or how many kids you have or how much blood money the IRS will want on April 15. A human record of absolutely no consequence when all is said and done. Now is the only moment that counts anyway. In fact, I'd prefer to be able to say I'm 372. Now THAT'S an accomplishment.

Maybe I'm not so impressed by four decades because I've packed about 6 lifetimes into them so far. 150 years ago you were lucky to still be alive at this age.

I'd really like to write more but I'm coming down with some kind of cold and sleep is calling. I just felt like I should probably write something in the blog commemorating this day since everyone else makes such a big deal of it. So there it is. Yay me - I haven't been eaten by a dinosaur yet. (Yes, Jimmy, I know it's because I am one.)

Advaita

Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase, each other
doesn’t make any sense.

-Rumi

I know it's been just shy of a month since I posted anything. Not that many people read my blog, but for those who may check in from time to time, I am still here, hanging out on the edge of our planet. My brain continues churning out writing ideas daily, but they are incomplete thoughts, scrawled quickly in notes on my desktop, both virtual and physical. My mantra has become "I shall get to it eventually." (Bad bad bad, but only because I make it so.)

I'd like to say my soul is lying in a beautiful field of warm grass, my world too full to talk about, but the truth is my spirit has been lollygagging in a bog of fear of non-survival. My regular salary is not covering the expense of beautiful San Diego, yet I am unwilling or unable to give up "things" (space, privacy, morals... haha) to reduce the outgoing; therefore, my other choice is to increase the incoming. I've been taking on side projects to make up the difference because even tho I'm aware of my foolishness, I'm still reluctant to just let go and allow something better to manifest. Stupid, isn't it? We all have our demons.

I'm fortunate in that at least I've had an abundance of extra work recently and eventually the money will start rolling in from that, giving me some breathing room. Of course the work has to get done first so that's just about all I've been doing. In the few moments of freedom I've stolen here and there, I've chosen meditation, friends, or simply sitting in the sun over writing. Hence, no blog posts.

It is what it is tho.

And what it is is all the same.
Duality is just a game.
Freedom from name, that's what I crave,
a retreat to the cave
of Self.

And I shall get to it eventually. :)

The Evils of Being Awake

I just got finished filling out yet another profile to yet another site I want to be able to post comments on. In the profile it asks you to list your likes and dislikes. For likes I put Cognitive Awareness. For dislikes I put Willful Ignorance.

I then realized I'd had more coffee than food today, which could explain the nervous difficulty of my fingers constantly jumping on the wrong parts of the keyboard, so I went downstairs to make some lunch. While in the kitchen, Haagen Dazs sung its evil siren song to me from the freezer. I don't even know how I hear it when the bottom half of the frig is the only part open. I think it has special Godly powers to transcend the door seals.

Ice cream is a beautiful thing, and as many of you know, I harbor an enduring devotion to coffee in any form as well. If left to my own devices, I would worship at the Church of The Bean day and night. Therefore, in the World of Trayce, coffee ice cream is very much considered the marriage of perfect foods. Haagen Dazs Coffee Ice Cream is like the heavenly appeal of Brangelina - so much pretty in one place, you can't help but imagine the taste. (Uh, yeah, that's not what I meant. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

Unfortunately my particular biochemical composition does not like to play in a polyamorous relationship with coffee, ice cream, or any combination thereof. My Body often reminds me of its zero-tolerance policy for sugary edibles by sending all unapproved substances back out through my skin. My Mind chimes in by circulating a Guilt Memo among the neurons. Ego tells them both to piss off, then sulks in the corner promising to behave better next time while I apply extra makeup to hide my transgressions.

As I was spooning delicious illicitness into my mouth like a drunk sucking down cheap wine (before eating the much-healthier-sandwich I might add), I witnessed through my window one of my neighbors towing a defunct Jeep back to his garage (poor thing! The Jeep, not the neighbor) with just a rope between the vehicles. The Jeep stopped short a couple times with a screech of tires, barely avoiding the rear bumper of the truck ahead.

This is the same neighbor that was offended that my mother wanted to move her car to avoid it being hit while he was trying to unsuccessfully back a boat into his garage, subsequently hitting the corner of a building next door which caused significant damage to both truck and edifice. As far as I know he never reported it to anyone, least of all the owners of the end unit he hit.

My God-What-An-Idiot-He-Should-Know-Better Attitude bristled up and proclaimed, "This is exactly the kind of Willful Ignorance I can't stand. It's no wonder he has a McCain sticker on the back window."

Almost immediately the Cosmos reached down to tap my shoulder, looked me in the third eye, and said, "Hey, Miss I Dislike Willful Ignorance, are you enjoying that ice cream?"

Bat Joke

I was talking with a friend on IM tonight and the subject of bats came up. I said, "Oh man, my most favorite joke is about bats." He wanted me to tell it to him but it was long to type so I went looking for it online, and doncha know I found it. God bless the infinite information on the Internet. Here it is:

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the bat, "because I sure as hell didn't!"

Excellent Point

"... the wide dissemination of once sacred and hard-to-obtain knowledge has also given rise to the smug presumption that we know it all; that we are farther along in our spiritual quest than we really are; that we do not need to undergo the difficult and lifelong trial of spiritual transformation. The late Ch'gyam Trungpa said it well:

Our vast collections of knowledge and experience are just part of ego's display, part of the grandiose quality of ego. We display them to the world and, in doing so, reassure ourselves that we exist, safe and secure, as "spiritual" people. But we have simply created a shop, an antique shop."

The entire article I was reading can be found here.

Knowledge and experience are all Ego. Makes sense because what need does the spirit have of such things when it is All There Is to begin with?

Yup yup.

Moonlighting

Walked on Moonlight Beach tonight for about a mile. I don't know what it is about that particular stretch of sand, but it's definitely my favorite. It feels like home - familiar somehow. I love the juxtaposition of the silent, solid earthy bluffs on one side and the crashing ocean on the other. The space between was still damp from the tides, and the water came up to kiss my toes often.

A fine mist hung over the waves, but somehow left most of the stars revealed on the inky black background of the heavens. The moon was hidden beyond the night sky and yet light from everywhere cast shadows beside me. We are a glowing species here on Earth, reflections of the pinpoints hovering all around us.

Fragrance from fish, ozone, fire, people, and fast food joints tickled my nose in turn. I am amazed what my human senses could pick up; I can't fathom what four-legged creatures must learn from the breeze. Or perhaps my shape shifted for a moment to discover the secrets of the wind.

Tonight I am most grateful for the experiences I've been having since moving here. The lessons have been fast and enlightening, the people crossing my path interesting in their own ways.

Thank you for Now.