No, really. He sprayed his cologne in my hair dryer so every time I turn it on, it's like a huge wave of Hei in my face. STILL. After a month! (Mostly because he keeps renewing it every time he's here!) Don't worry, his hair dryer smells worse now.
This past weekend I don't remember what prompted his impulse (not that he really needs a reason to feed his devious personality), but he managed to get ice down my pants not once, but TWICE, effectively rendering me without dry underroos while I was 45 minutes from home. The first time we had a good laugh, but the second time I was slightly pissed. Of course he was "sorry" (read: not really) and said so repeatedly in a lame attempt to avoid retaliation. Seriously, does that EVER work?
I played it off like I was mad until I figured out my revenge, then I looked him straight in the eye and said "You're forgiven" in that tone the evil villain uses when he/she's about to attempt killing the Hero. Except I don't give long speeches that offer the time needed for the Hero to form a plan and escape unscathed.
The rest of the day he was on his guard but nothing happened. I mean c'mon, I'm not THAT dumb. It's no fun if they're expecting it.
I helped him do laundry, clean the kitchen, and I made his bed for him. Except when I made the bed, I short sheeted it. :D Big mistake to leave me unsupervised. Short sheeting was not actually my original plan of attack - it was just something that came up while I was making the bed - but it turned out so well, I don't think the original idea would hold a candle to this now anyway.
I left him a note under the pillow too that said, "Still love me?" figuring he'd find it when he had to tear the sheets off to fix them. He usually asks me that after he's done something particularly evil.
That night he wanted to stay over at my house. You have NO IDEA how hard it was to say okay because I am not a patient person. You can run, but you cannot hide. And you gotta sleep at home sometime.
Honestly, today (Monday) I hadn't thought much about it because I was too busy. We talked a few times on IM, but nothing significant. Sometimes he takes a nap in the afternoon but today was not one of those days. I had all but forgotten the entire thing until we had the following conversation just around midnight. I was laughing so hard I could barely type back to him.
Keep in mind this man has a genius IQ and an ego to match (fortunately his ego is a positive, upbeat type - I'll give him that) which makes it that much funnier IMHO.
Him: u there?
Him: what did you do the last 15 minutes?
Me: Worked on the compset projects for Pearson
Him: know what I did? I spent it in the dark, trying to figure out how come the fuck I couldn't get under the covers...
Him: 15 fucking minutes and I had to turn on the light
Me: ::is dying laughing::
Him: ok you so got me there
Me: 15 minutes? really?
Him: I turned off the lights
Me: ::falls out of chair::
Him: so I couldnt see
Him: and was feeling around
Him: and tried and tried
Him: and was "is THIS the edge
Him: no , that must be the edge
Him: ok HERE it is
Him: not that
Me: OMFG my sides hurt
Him: then I was SURE I got it
Him: and got under
Him: then I was like "no it isnt right"
Him: back to square one
Him: how come my feet are cold and
Me: OH man, make it stop - my back hurts now
Him: and ginger was meowing all the time
(Ginger is his cat who is just as much trouble as he is, trust me. She tattles on his other cat, Cinnamon, by meowing at my friend until he finds what all the fuss is about - usually something bad Cin has done.)
Him: was pitch black
Me: Tattle tail
Me: Did you find my note?
Him: then I knew what it was
Him: didnt find it until I turned on the light
Me: Now I have tears
Him: you so got me
Me: 15 minutes
Me: I love it
Him: man I was all ready to get into bed
Him: and was like WHAT THE FUCK CANT FIND IT
Him: and had too much pride to turn on the light
Him: so I know I can find it
Him: I got in and out like 4 times
Me: I can totally see the whole scene too
Me: Oh man, now I need the inhaler I laughed so hard
Him: I am debating if I still love you
Me: No you're not
Him: its a tough one
Me: cuz you respect the skillz :P
Him: ok I admit that
Him: but love is different than respect
Him: but you sooooo got me
Me: and that isn't even what I had originally planned to do to you for that ice cube
Me: It wasn't
Me: the other involved pancake syrup but you might be off the hook with this one because I dont think it could get better than 15 minutes of you fumbling in the dark with your pride and your sheets
Him: Ginger knew
Him: I think she wasn't tattling on me
Him: she was laughing
Me: ::still dying laughing::
Him: I hate you
Me: No you dont
Him: <-- NOT laughing
Him: ok I had a good laugh
Him: as soon as I saw the note
Him: I knew I had been had
Him: sheets straight now
Me: Good for you :)
Him: ok now I go to sleep
Me: You sure?
Him: if there are no more boobie traps
Me: I love you :)
Him: I love you too
Me: 15 minutes...
Me: seriously need inhaler
Him: you soo got me
Him: couldnt figure it out
Me: FOUR times
Him: but when I saw the note