Friday, March 07, 2008

More iROny

Isn't it funny that we need something this big:

Large Hadron Collider at CERN

to find subatomic particles so small that we haven't been able to prove they exist yet? (Did you see the GUY standing in the middle of that thing? Look toward the middle bottom.)

Another question came to me last night when I couldn't stop my Monkey Mind from flinging poo long enough to get any sleep: If there are such strict rules about the disposal of bio-medical waste (picture those little red containers with the hazard symbol on them), why is it okay to give cremated human remains back to the family in an unsealed urn?

And how gross is it when people spread those ashes over some outside place and the wind catches them? The next time you leave your house, you could literally be breathing someone in, and not in a romantic, hot-breath-on-the-nape-of-your-neck kind of way. Ech.


Speaking of the smog of humanity, I finally updated my blog about our recent trip to LA/Hollywood to include pictures. Yay!


Oh yes, I promised a recounting of my weird dream.

In my dream I was in Tempe, Arizona driving along the Salt River (it was to my right). I was in a black sports car and I was going kind of fast because sports cars do that to me. (I totally blame Speed Racer, my favorite cartoon as a kid. I'm sure my name is Trixie in another lifetime.)

I took a sharp right turn onto what I thought was a bridge because it arched over the river, however, once I was speeding up the "bridge" I saw that it was actually a piece of art. It was a sandstone-colored, tube-like arch, and I was traveling along the outside of the tube. The car was kind of wobbling because the tube was not as wide as the car, but the tire edges were catching just enough traction to keep me careening along the edge. I knew I couldn't hit the brakes or I'd fall into the river.

As I crested the arch I saw in the middle there was a big black sphere connecting the two sides. I knew the tires would lose grip as I passed over the sphere so I gunned it and took off through the air, like any good Mach 5 would've done (because Newtonian physics don't apply in the Dreamtime; pity it didn't make the cool noise).

I had that feeling in my stomach you get on roller coasters as you head down the big hill and I couldn't tell if I would make it across the river or not, but I knew if I hit the water instead of the land on the other side, I would die so I was trying to concentrate really hard on making the car go far enough to hit land.

And then I woke up.


It's like I tried to finish the dream the second time and the Universe said, "Oh no you don't - no peeking! Wake up!"

The symbology is pretty obvious with my recent stress, and I've had dreams before where it felt so much like I was there I woke up in a panic, but this one really freaked me out because both times I felt like waking up was causing me to die in the dream. Like if I had only stayed asleep another few seconds I would've been able to will the car across far enough to hit land and survive, but because I woke up, I lost concentration and I knew I would die in the dream even though I didn't see it happen.

It makes me wonder if the reason I'm worried about the coastal decision is because this is one of those major etheric crossroads where realities branch out in different directions, never to meet on this conscious plane again. I know that even if I chose to stay on the East coast for another year, it's not like I couldn't go to California later, but I think if I wait I'll be following an entirely different path, if that makes any sense.

I absolutely believe we create our own realities, but I also believe there are certain inevitable, unavoidable milestones our higher selves set up for us along the way. These are things that are unaffected by our decisions - we may choose how we reach them, but reach them we will. Then we can choose again how to move on from there. Trouble is, I feel nothing less than Happiness itself is hanging in the balance.

What? Too dramatic? At least I'm learning to listen to my intuition instead of blowing it off.

Check Please

I've been really ill the past couple days, and for the first time in my life it didn't involve any phlegm at all, which is really weird for me. Usually when I'm sick my nose or my lungs are what's complaining. Instead my lot included fever, accompanied by all-over body aches, ending with a strong residual headache that even Advil couldn't touch. (I am the BIGGEST baby when my head hurts. I'd choose childbirth with no drugs again over my head hurting, but only if I didn't have to raise the kid after. I have my limits.) Anyway, I was so sick I had to call in to work, and that's unlike me too. I'm one of those people pleasers - always putting others ahead of myself - which usually ends in the Universe pulling my Emergency Brake. Fortunately I was only down two days.

It did, however, give me 48 hours to do little other than sleep, catch up on Tivo shows from early January, and think about what caused this bizarre illness. The conclusion I've reached is pure Stress. I've got more knots than Paris Hilton's knickers when Daddy cuts up a credit card over these decisions about my next move. I hate being pushed out of my comfort zone even when I know it will be better in the end. I guess it's a fear of the unknown bordering on a phobia. It's irrational. It's not like I haven't done this before - more than once even! I guess to give myself a little slack, moving across country with very little funds and no secure job at the other end could be daunting for many people. But I've also been told by a couple different oracles that everything will be fine... to stop worrying about it. In fact, every one of them has mentioned that unexpected help will show up. I am DYING to know what this unexpected help will be though! (Jesus Crackers, I've got knots in my stomach just writing about this. This is crazy!)

I had decided about a week ago to stop looking at apartments around the area I already live in. I was looking just in case I found out that I would definitely NOT have the funds to move across country. I mean seriously, there is doing it on a shoestring budget, and there is a time to say "it's just not gonna happen with what I got." But as soon as I think that, my brain reminds me of a blog post Bushwalla made quite awhile ago - very short and powerful to me:

You know you can feel your way through life. You can send yourself on journeys just by believing in yourself, and the power of self-manifestation. Every time I travel I affirm to myself that I can make it there just by being who I am. And the glorious part is I always do. 2 months ago I really wanted to visit my friend Jon (Blend Apparel) in San Francisco to re-up my soul( he has that type of power), and to visit San Fran and some other extremely inspiring peeps. I stayed positive with my life, and visualized...... and I made it. I leave in the morning. We are all making it: surrender.

OY. Surrender. Give in. Give it up. Yield. Concede. Hand it over. Submit. Relent. Throw in the fucking towel already and LET GO. I have all the words in the Thesaurus to describe it but I have the hardest time BEING it. We are all making it. Truer words were never written. (Thank you so much Billy.) Why is it so hard for me to have faith in this?

Do they have Control Freaks Anonymous?

Tonight, in a desperate attempt to shut my brain up, I went looking on Sera Beak's blog for a link to free tarot card readings. Normally I don't use tarot simply because I find it too hard to understand the hierarchies and how you lay out the cards and whatnot (ok, I'm lazy and when the instructions were more than I had time for I never tried again), but since I don't use them that often, and I've already exhausted every other oracle I have with my silly questions, I figured this would be a good way to "double check" the Universe. Hahaha. Like that's possible.

I chose the last link on Sera's list, which went to The Synchronic Book, because the words stood out to me. (Synchronicity is not only a favorite word of mine, but also a favorite collection of music. If you were unfortunate enough to be born after the 80s, The Police made Every Breath You Take a household phrase LONG before P. Diddy raped the song for the lame memorial tune I'll Be Missing You.) At first it didn't look like a tarot card thing, but I went with it anyway because it was interesting, and in the end it turns out you do get a result based on tarot so I knew I was in the right place.

The card I ended up with was The Star (get outta town because that means something to me even without knowing the interpretation) with the basic tarot meaning relayed as:

With Aquarius as its ruling sign, The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench the Querent's thirst, with a guiding light to the future.

Once again the Gods say, "Will you please stop tugging my sleeve! I have not forgotten you!"

Double checking the Universe is like being five years old and asking your Mom the same question for the 10th time. The odds are you're going to get the same answer.


On another note, I ordered a DVD from and we watched it last night. It was interesting and amusing, but not much new information. I'm always up for different perspectives though on why The Bible is such a farce, so I thought it was worth the money. I love that the guy who put together the movie was a former Christian Fundamentalist. Yay for The Inquisitive Soul! It just occurred to me that perhaps the label people have slapped on The Inquisition was a cosmic double entendre. Good joke, Universe.

I will add my disclaimer here saying that I don't begrudge Christians their religion (or Jews, or Muslims, or Buddhists, or anyone else), I just don't like how the zealots try to shove their beliefs down the throats of others, and swear up and down that anyone not believing the same as they do are surely going to Hell (or worse). The blood spilled over religion alone is enough for me to go "Uhhhhh... No Thanks. Point me toward the Peace and Harmony Road please?" Spiritual enlightenment is different for everyone, but I can't understand why people don't do their own research about what they choose to believe and why most don't really understand their religion. Laziness? Blind faith? Fear of Thinking? Bottom line: I'll respect your beliefs if/when you respect mine.


And... uhhh... I can't remember the other thing I wanted to write and once again it's far past my bedtime so I guess that's it for me.

Oh wait, now I remember. I had this really weird dream TWICE while I was sick. Never in my life do I remember having the same dream twice, although I'm sure it's happened. I don't normally remember both times though, and certainly if I have had repeated dreams, they haven't been one night right after the other. This one I definitely remember like I saw it in a movie theater but I will have to write that tomorrow.

Until tomorrow...

Sunday, March 02, 2008

The Intention Experiment

Lately I've been interested in the whole issue of what will happen in 2012. There's a book I've been trying to read on the subject, but so far I've had a tough time really paying attention and comprehending it. I've found in the past that when this happens, it means it's not time for me to know what's contained therein yet, so I put it back on my shelf and I've been reading other things these past couple months. Tonight I was going through my Amazon wish list deleting things that I've already acquired, and I was reminded of another book, The Intention Experiment. My interest was immediately piqued again and I went to the web site to check it out further. The top podcast on the site is about 2012. Ya gotta love how the Universe works. If you're at all interested in metaphysics, you should check out the web site and maybe you'll want to buy the book too: