Thursday, September 16, 2010

Change for the Dining Room

How To Profit From Your Insanity

Step 1: Have original dining room set that is pub height and decide if you want to work at the table instead of at your desk for a change of scenery, you really need a regular height dining set so you can put your feet on the floor.

Step 2: Put Pub Dining Set on Craigslist. Receive emails of interest.

Step 3: Take pub height dining set OFF Craigslist and tell all interested parties it's sold because you cant bear to part with it since you like the colors so much and the table is really a perfect size (36" x 48") which is hard to find.

Step 3 1/2: Take six months to vacillate on whether or not you really really need to change that dining set while squirming on the seats trying to work long hours. Spend more hours pouring over Craigslist finding nothing that you like as much or better than your current set.

Step 4: Decide you're being stupid and put Pub Dining Set BACK on Craigslist. Obviously, there's no way you're going to find the shorter set you want if the old set is still occupying the space and sending out energy to the Universe saying it's here to stay.

Step 5: Finally find an acceptable normal-height espresso colored dining set with a table that is exactly the same dimensions as the pub height table. Buy Espresso Dining Set 1 for $100. Put Pub Dining Set in the spare bedroom until it sells.

Step 6: Decide the wood chairs in Espresso Dining Set 1 are too hard to sit on. You need cushioned chairs.

Step 7: Buy blonde wood chairs with cushioned seats and backs because they're an excellent deal at $80 for all four and are almost like new. Figure you'll have The Most Amazing Boyfriend Ever, who can fix anything, stain all the legs to the espresso color you want. Put chairs from Espresso Dining Set 1 in spare bedroom with the Pub Dining Set until you resell them.

Step 8: Realize The Most Amazing Boyfriend Ever has too many things going on right now to deal with a bunch of legs, even if they are attached to four blondes.

Step 9: Find a set of chairs just like the blonde chairs, but with espresso legs and tan cushions (and be very pleased to see the tan fabric looks even better than the lighter fabric of the blonde chairs). Unfortunately two of them need their seat springs repaired, but at only $30 you're already seeing the profit you'll make selling all those other chairs that didn't work out. Besides, surely it's less work for The Most Amazing Boyfriend Ever to fix the springs in two chairs rather than stain 16 pieces of wood!

Step 10: Sit on the two "good" espresso and tan chairs and realize perhaps the springs in those aren't really what you wanted either since they are literally bouncy like a trampoline. Suddenly $30 seems like a lot for these chairs.

Step 11: Go back to craigslist and find Espresso Dining Set 2 with chairs that look just like the damaged ones (but are in truly great shape) and a table that looks just like the one from Espresso Dining Set 1. Figure you can pick the best of the two tables to keep, and pair up the rejected one with the hard wood chairs from Espresso Dining Set 1, thereby creating Espresso Dining Set 2.5. Add to your profit by talking the seller down $30 so you've only spent $170 on Espresso Dining Set 2.

Step 12: Move the NEW espresso and tan chairs into your dining room and put the damaged ones just like them in the spare room that is now officially looking like a furniture warehouse. Decide the table from Espresso Dining Set 1 is better, and put the table from Espresso Dining Set 2 in the garage since it won't fit in the spare bedroom o' furniture.

You now have two complete dining sets (plus the one you're keeping) and eight extra chairs in your warehouse... err... I mean Home With Only One Dining Room. (We wont mention the three ceiling fans that were all also excellent deals but have not been put up yet - one of which is The Most Amazing Boyfriend Ever's.)

Step 13: Realize your daughter is arriving for a visit in only a week, and she might enjoy sleeping on a bed instead of a table and chairs.

Step 14: Move all furniture out of the spare bedroom into the garage to put the intention out to the Universe that this stuff HAS GOT TO GO, and fast. List everything on craigslist and pray it will leave in a week so you don't look like you need Craigslist Anonymous when your kid gets here.

Step 15: Make appointment with a lady that wanted a duvet cover you thought would never sell. End up talking her into taking three more pieces from your linen closet AND Espresso Dining Set 2.5! Woo! Unfortunately you had to let the dining set go for the same price you paid for Espresso Dining Set 1, so you haven't made a profit yet except on the linens, which really don't count for the dining room accounting. It's okay tho, because at least it's out of your house and you're on your way to covering up your insanity.

Step 16: Sell the blonde chairs for $100 AND get to charge $10 for delivery. NOW you're making money! You are also four chairs closer to getting your garage back.

Step 17: Sell the Pub Dining Set AND get to charge a delivery fee on that one too! Except oops... you're a wimp and end up telling the woman you'll deliver it for free because she hesitates and you are desperate to have it out of your house. You redeem yourself somewhat by standing strong on the $225 price, which is more than your mother originally paid for it brand new from the store. You are officially out of the red now.

Step 18: Sell damaged espresso and tan chairs for $40 plus a $10 delivery fee, almost doubling your money there for a bad investment. Go you!

Step 19: Reclaim your garage and offer huge thanks to the Universe for unbelievably obtaining your goal of selling it all with two days to spare. In the meantime, also sell a few other small items that don't really count for the dining room overall, but that definitely covered all gas costs in this endeavor, making you feel justified in claiming the delivery fees as profit.

So the final accounting goes:

$100.00    Espresso Dining Set 1
    80.00    Blonde chairs
    30.00    Damaged chairs
  170.00    Espresso Dining Set 2

$100.00    Espresso Dining Set 1
  110.00    Blonde chairs
    50.00    Damaged chairs
  225.00    Pub Dining Set

For a profit of: $105 and a new, cushioned dining set that is the height you need to double as your second home office.

The best part is everyone wins. I'm happy with making a bit of money and having fun changing up my furniture, and the people buying are happy and thinking they got a good deal because they're just not as good at Craigslist as I am. :)

New Dining Room For The Win!

Now the living room chairs are a whole other story...