Dog Karma

I was in Hoboken the other night with my friend Jessica to pick up a coffee table she bought for her new apartment. Jess told me Karma Cafe was a good place to eat when we passed it. I'm in that "must explore everything in this area before I leave" mode so I took Katy and her friend Amy back Saturday night to check it out. I thought "cafe" meant it would be like a coffeehouse with light fare, but turns out it's an Indian restaurant. Fortunately, Katy and I like Indian food. It was a new experience for Amy, but she seemed okay with it.

Quick restaurant review: Love the name of the place, but thought it much better for a coffeehouse than Indian. That's just me tho. Food wasn't bad (all three of us had Tikka Masala Chicken), but even though I was really hungry, it wasn't as good as Mela in Ridgewood. The chai was mediocre. Naan was a little too much like Native American fry bread. Atmosphere was only a 5 outta 10 because they had a bar with a TV over it. I'm all for alcohol served in restaurants, but it just doesn't jive with Indian fare for me. Also, if we hadn't been sitting in the window seat, my eyes would've strayed to the TV too often and I've never found that to make for a good dining experience. The waiter was really nice though, and the service was okay. If you're looking for Indian food in Hoboken though, I'd recommend Bombay West over Karma Cafe.

Now back to our previous tale...

As we were finishing, a guy walked up with an elderly dog that looked very much like Jazz, except the air about this dog was totally dejected. It looked miserable and slumped on the ground while waiting. The guy had come by once before while we ate, presumably to order food, and I guess this time he was there to retrieve it. He tied the leash to the railing before he came in.

We paid our bill and walked out, stopping to see if the dog was friendly enough to pet. It cowered in front of us, and that made me really sad. I wanted to give the dog some Reiki and good energy, but suddenly it was like my attention was ripped away and I couldn't focus because I was having a freaky deja vu.

It covered the time from walking out of the restaurant to walking away, but my awareness of it started when I bent to pet the dog. It came in this surreal rush, like two realities playing out at the same time in my brain - one in the present moment at normal speed, the other recorded earlier playing in fast forward. Everything seemed to happen twice but at the same time, and for a couple seconds I didn't feel quite like I was physically present in either space, just suspended between worlds - A Wrinkle in Time, if you will.

I could clearly remember dreaming the whole scenario (after some thought, it was probably around Thanksgiving in 2006), and I also remembered that in the dream I knew we were moving to California with certainty. That detail was clear because I woke up thinking it was strange that I would dream of moving there since Santa Fe was the first choice of place to move at the time. Mark and I had even discussed it. I brushed it off tho as just part of a dream.

On the sidewalk, my mind raced ahead trying to remember other nuances of the dream, as if I wanted to predict the future. In the dream, I'm pretty sure there was a stranger who said something to me about California, which is what made me aware that I knew we were moving there, but that didn't happen in the real life moment. It may have if I'd stuck around a few more minutes - maybe the dog owner would have said something to that effect - but I felt oddly panicky like I was stuck in this weird space and the only way to break the illusion was to walk away, so I told the girls to come on and we left. That ended the deja vu.

This kind of thing has happened to me before, but it never freaked me out quite like this. Most people experience a normal deja vu and it's just a cool phenomenon to them. I used to have those, but in high school I started remembering dreaming the scenes I was having the deja vu about. When it would happen, I was pissed that I couldn't prove (to myself or others) that I'd dreamt the very same thing, so for a long time I wrote down every dream I had. After awhile I gave up recording my Dreaming unless it was something truly out of the ordinary. Not being able to prove anything was probably the Universe saying, "Oh yeah? How's that working for you? Are you done yet?"

Thinking about this makes me wonder if the experience of deja vu is like jumping from one life path to another. Forgive me if I've written this before, but the best analogy of Life I've ever read was in Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch (of course I can't find the page to cite now - maybe it was Celestine Prophecy?), where he describes life as being like a video game on a CD. All the possibilities of where you can go and what actions you can take already exist on the CD. As the player, you are only choosing which path to take through the game.

I think we all have free will, but I also believe there are some milestones in life that we set up before we enter this reality, and we will reach them no matter which road we choose. (Have I said that too? I repeat myself a lot.) Your daily decisions probably make subtle changes to your path that go mostly unnoticed, but you'd think a major shift would be marked with some magnificent crescendo moment in life. I would not consider petting a dog a spiritual left turn at Albuquerque, but maybe that's where my path realigned for California. Who knows. Certainly felt like an etheric earthquake at the time.

Oddly (or not), while searching Google to find if I was attributing the CD analogy to the correct book, I came across this page:

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/articles004.html

This is a fantastic summation of elementary physics and how it relates to out of body experiences. I don't believe I had anything like a near death experience, but I found it interesting and relevant all the same. I like his idea that death is just losing your notion of time and space. I've always said time is only a human agreement anyway, and that's why I have such trouble abiding by the clock.

Hey Baby, What's Yer Sign?

Diana at Silly Buddha posted a Spiritual Meme the other day. I thought they were cool questions, so here are my answers:

Astrological Sign?
Capricorn (I don't know which moon or ruling planets or anything)

Chinese Astrological Sign?
Monkey (And doncha know I don't like monkeys at all! They kinda scare me!)

What are you currently setting your intention on or praying for?
Setting my intention on moving to San Diego in June.

Who do you pray to?
Love, which I sometimes refer to as The Gods, or The Stars, or My Self, or half a dozen other things depending on the day.

Do you believe God created humans or humans evolved from primordial goo?
Both, and then some. Physically our present shape and form may have evolved from something that crawled out of the ocean, but spiritually I think our souls came from a Source we can't quite comprehend with our Darwinian brains. I like to imagine that we are made of star dust though. Technically, we are actually made of the same base elements. :)

What is your mantra?
Unfortunately I realize it's "I can't afford that." It's been a slow process to stay aware and change it, but I'm working on making it "Everything is already ok." (Thank you j|o|n!)

Do you believe in Sin?
Yes, when you spill coffee, that is a sin. Seriously tho, no, I don't think there's any such thing as "right" or "wrong", just what is. It's the human reaction to "What Is" that defines sin, or the lack of it.

Do you believe in Evil?
I believe we live in a bi-polar world and in order for us to be able to define something as "good," there must be something to compare it against which would be defined as the opposite, and some people may call that "evil."

What do you do when you see 11:11?
I close my eyes and send my happiest thought to the stars.

Do you believe in Angels?
Yes. They may not be called that in the plane they exist on, but I guess that's as good a label as any for us Earth folk to give them.

Do you believe in God? If so, what does God look like to you?
Yes, I believe in God, but I only call it that for lack of a better word. God looks like a clear night sky on a New Moon when you're laying in the warm grass holding hands with your best friend on a hill away from all light pollution.

Is there an aspect of your religion/belief that you haven't made up your mind about?
Yes. I haven't decided what happens immediately after your physical death; that brief moment after spirit separates from physical, but before it melts back into the Whole.

Is there a religion that you don't follow, but deeply respect or admire?
I can't say I have a lot of respect for any organization that bottles and labels spirituality. To me, the word religion has a sour taste because it implies there is an organized, step-by-step process to a destination called "enlightenment," it usually involves a middle man, and religions breed fundamentalists that think their way is the only way that can possibly be correct. I think enlightenment is more of a learning process or a journey, you must travel your path yourself, and there are as many paths as there are beings. However, there are many practices of the more peaceful religions like Buddhism or Hinduism that I admire, and of course, I recognize that religion has "saved" many people in a good way.

Who has inspired you the most on your spiritual path?
I think everyone you come in contact with contributes to your spiritual path, whether it's a close friend, family member, or a homeless person on the street. The person I've considered most like a mentor is my aunt, who is a healer in New Mexico.

In your opinion, what is the worst mistake we make, as a species?
Overpopulating the planet.

What is something you would like to believe, but don't?
Our government.

Do you believe in soul mates?
As Disneyfied as I am, I can't say I believe in the romantic concept of each person having only one soul mate. I believe there are people that have the potential to be more in sync with each other because their paths follow close parallels, and who they are individually during the time they're together resonates easily with their partner's beliefs and thinking patterns. For some, their paths may travel beside each other their entire life spans; for others, it may be briefer so perhaps those people find several soul mates in a lifetime. So I guess I do believe in soul mates, but not the traditional definition.

Reincarnation or heaven?
Reincarnation - I'm coming back as Jason Mraz's cat.

Best "ah ha!" moment/epiphany?
Damn... I'll have to really think about that. There are so many. Answer to come in another blog.

Required spiritual reading?
Conversations With God, Book 1 (only), by Neale Donald Walsh. Books 2 & 3 he kind of repeated himself ad infinitum, then he just plain sold out. :( But that doesn't diminish how powerful his first book was for me. Also, The Red Book by Sera Beak for those just beginning their spiritual path or women searching for some personal empowerment. Anything by SARK is also totally fun.

If you could pick, in your final moments, what would your last words be?
...And they all lived happily ever after.

Advice for a lost soul?
Take a step in any direction because even if it's the wrong direction, at least then you'll know which way NOT to go and you can turn around. Otherwise it's second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning. :)

A song that encapsulates your beliefs?
Just ONE? Are you kidding? There's a whole soundtrack to my life! Here's the first four that come to mind:

What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong
Have a Little Faith in Me by John Hiatt
Change Your Mind by Sister Hazel
True To Myself by Ziggy Marley

Edit to add: Shit, was I supposed to say "Tag, you're it" or something at the end so other people would keep this going? As usual, I'm clueless. I'm just here to write, man. LOL

Head West Young (Wo)Man

Okay, I think the Gods are just fuckin with me now. Maybe this is paybacks for all the celestial sleeve tugging I've done.

I don't check the Great Day site every day, but when I do, I usually find Ralph Marston's daily message can be applied to my present circumstances, or it's a nice little general reminder of where your principles should be.

Today's message is more like:

DEAR TRAYCE,
HERE IS THE ANSWER - IN WRITTEN FORMAT - TO THE QUESTION YOU'VE SUBMITTED TO THE UNIVERSE EVERY TIME YOU PASS A FOR RENT SIGN IN YOUR CURRENT AREA. IF YOU STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO, PLEASE MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH DICK CHENEY, GRAND POOBAH OF EVILNESS, DEPARTMENT OF EARTH, FOR YOUR SOUL TO BE CONVERTED TO AN EVANGELICAL PREACHER (OR A REPUBLICAN - YOUR CHOICE) AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE.
THANK YOU,
THE GODS

Select Your Direction Your destination depends not on where you are but on which way you go. Your results depend not on what has happened, and not on what you have, but on what you do with it all. From here, you can go anywhere. There are pathways leading in every direction. What matters now is which of those pathways you choose. What matters now is the next step you take. Give yourself permission to decide what you truly desire for your life and for your world. And know that there is a way, right now, to begin creating it. When your thoughts and actions have a clear, specific purpose, each moment will carry you closer to the fulfillment of that purpose. When you move consistently in a chosen direction, you cannot help but reach the destination you choose. Lovingly, thoughtfully and carefully select your direction today. You are always moving toward something, so make that something exactly what you wish. -- Ralph Marston

Play Ball

Half of life is just showing up, and I’m amazed by your ability to show up.

This line made enough of an impact on me that I often think of it when I’m having one of those days where it’s really hard to drag my ass out of bed (like today). However, I couldn’t remember where I’d heard it so I had to Google it. Turns out it’s a line from Hard Ball, a Keanu Reeves movie from 2001 about a white guy with a gambling problem that ends up paying off a debt by coaching a baseball team of black children on the south side of Chicago. (Ironic since it’s Opening Day for baseball today.)

The Google results indicate people think it was a cheesy movie and that Keanu is a cheesy actor in general. I think Keanu played the California stereotype role so well in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, that it’s been hard for people to take him seriously after that. His inflections in speech do lean toward the surfer dialect in most films, but shit, that’s just part of who he is. If you can’t love that, then go watch DeNiro play the same damn role for the 487th time. I think Keanu is cool, and if he’s cheesy at all, then I’ll take Chester “It Ain’t Easy Being Cheesy” Cheetah any day over some of these so-called “great” actors. (And while we’re at it, God bless Owen Wilson!)

~*~

I’m not sure what it is I want that I’m not getting, but there is definitely something lacking emotionally in my life right now and I can’t seem to fill the void with meditation or writing or visualizing or new furniture or even - *gasp* - coffee. My ego has been pesting me for recognition because it’s not everyone that can just decide to move cross country for no reason, then do it, but even if you’re one in a million these days, there’s at least a million more just like you so your extraordinary skills get lost in the shuffle. Like Obama says, maybe if we quit moving the bar, people would have a chance of grasping it for a change. And in the midst of this self-indulgent thinking, my soul looks down its metaphorical nose at my ego and says, “Stop whining, spoiled brat.” I just want to feel whole again.

I know I at least want my friends and family to stop telling me I’m crazy, or wrong for moving to San Diego. Yes, of course I realize it’s possible I’ll have to give up my new job that I’ve waited years to have, or that I won’t have enough money, or that it might be hard to find another job out there (if I have to), or that the Camaro may not pass California emissions testing and that it’s kind of pointless to sink money into it. I’m not an idiot. I’ve thought of all those things and some that haven’t even crossed their minds. I still want to go. I'll deal with those things if/when they come up. I believe in planning ahead, but there's a fine line between planning and looking for reasons not to do something.

I’m going because it’s VERY possible I’ll be happier because a) I like that side of the country better, b) I fit in better with the people/mentality, and c) it’s sunny and 70° all the time. How can you NOT be happy in that kind of weather? If it turns out I’m miserable in SD, I’ll make new choices and go somewhere else. I only know that if I don’t try at all, I’ll miss the chance altogether. There are no lost opportunities, because if you don’t take them, someone else will.

~*~

I was trying to not eat sugar last week. I made it two days then a bag of Nestle Semi-Sweet Morsels dragged me into the kitchen, slapped an apron on me, and shoved cookie dough in my face. I couldn’t help it. At least I resisted enough to not make myself sick on the dough for once. After that, I had new resolve and I resisted another day, then the Girl Scout cookies in my bedroom had their way with me. :sigh: Cookies are not normally my downfall. I dunno what’s going on with that this month.

Do Starbucks Frappachinos count in the sugar category? If they do, I’m in trouble this summer.

I have been drinking coffee without sugar (just cream), and I even like it. This is especially good because I was committing the cardinal sin of dumping Sweet-n-Low in my caffeine simply because it dissolves faster than regular sugar. I should know better. It was the only consistently serious breach to my organic eating, which I'm happy to have pushed to the side. (The Pink Packets of Death by Chemicals, not the organic eating!)

~*~

So Katy comes back from New Mexico today. It’s been so peaceful in the house while she’s been away. I love my daughter, but I’m not looking forward to her moody drama draping everything in sticky black yuck again. I wish I had a magic wand to change her attitude. I’d slap her upside the head with it. I’m sure she’ll grow out of it with time. I wasn’t quite as dark as her as a teen, but I definitely had my days, and I eventually saw the light, so I guess there is hope.

~*~

My calendar at work has this passage under the picture for March:

Our places give shelter, that is a given. Focused only on ourselves, filled with possessions, trying to impress others, they deny the unity of all. Connection with the greater truths of otherness has far greater import than minutiae of our lives.

Focus on ourselves is endless looking in a mirror, reading the same story, replaying the same tape. There’s more richness, new stories, adventures beyond the mirror.The truth of ourselves includes the selves on the outside of our skins, and inside other of our skins. Bring those lives into your life.

See? Even my calendar is telling me to move. (Unless it's saying to step through the mirror, fall down a rabbit hole, and have an adventure drinking tea with the Mad Hatter. Which would be awesome!) We’re actually moving our offices to a different floor this Thursday as well. Lots of moving around going on right now. I picture the Universe like a giant vat of Humans and Stars soup, and God is stirring the Chi with a big wooden spoon, so pay attention lest you get whacked with it on the next turn.

~*~

Inguz was the rune that showed up for me the other night when I was thinking about this move. (I don't know why these rune pics show up so darn large! Blogger must have some kind of minimum size or something.) This is the rune of New Beginnings, a new path, new life, harmonizing, a searching for similarities. Sound familiar? Yay! It's been difficult to see the humor and remain centered and grounded as the book suggests, but I'm working on it. Several times a day I find my shoulders up around my ears and have to take a couple deep breaths to bring them back to a normal level. It's a conscious process, but at least I AM conscious of it.

4:30pm. Time to go home. :D

Vlad Studio

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Support the coolness. :D