Excessive Income

Awhile back I was watching the Louise Hay video, You Can Heal Your Life. It was shortly after I was laid off, and I was depressed about having to look for another job (I am not good at selling myself so the interview process is stressful), and I was just generally in an icky mood, so I figured this might help improve things. And it did.

During the video one of the people they interviewed mentions she uses this affirmation: My income in constantly increasing. For whatever reason, that phrase, at that moment, said in just that way, really hit it right with me. I wrote it down, posted it on my mirror, and I said it anytime I would lay eyes on it.

It seemed to work because I started getting calls to do odd jobs and I made a few extra bucks here and there. Nothing that would replace my income, but enough to have some play money besides getting all the bills paid with unemployment benefits. The more dollars that dribbled in, the more I believed this phrase was the reason. Honestly, it has not let me down in the last 10 months!

There is a spiritual store in Oceanside that I've mentioned before, Kindred Journeys, and they hold all sorts of interesting classes there. I especially enjoy the ones lead by Teri Mahaney. At one of these classes I related the story of finding this affirmation and how well it's worked for me. I went on to say that I wished I could communicate to the Universe that I would like to increase my income to a level where I no longer have to live paycheck to paycheck. I'm always grateful for money coming in, but I would really like the security of knowing the Universe's endless supply of same is available to me at any local ATM! Teri suggested changing my affirmation to: My income exceeds my expenses.

I was having a little trouble with this because although I think it's a good affirmation, the word "exceeds" somehow holds a negative connotation in the right side of my brain, as if it automatically reverses "income" and "expenses" in the request I'm making each time I say it. I think this is because I've often been told that I live beyond my means and I should not let my expenses exceed my income. I can't tell you how many times I've heard those exact words, especially from my parents.

Logically (left brain) I know the technical words are correct and okay in context, but there is just something about it that doesn't FEEL good, so I'm afraid what I'm putting out there is exactly opposite of what I intend. Obviously, that's not cool! I've already proven I can easily spend more than I make. I certainly don't need any help with that!

I've tried modifying the phrase as such: My income always far exceeds my expenses. I figured putting a couple other words in there to separate "income" and "expenses" would give the neurons an extra nanosecond to clarify and fully comprehend what I mean. The new version sounds a little better in my head, but there's still that tiny nagging doubt, almost like the Brain KNOWS I'm just trying to fool it or something. I seriously think my Left Brain wanted to be a lawyer.

In the past week I've really been having some panic issues because all along I've been thinking my benefits will run out in mid-March. I don't remember how I came to this conclusion, but that was the time frame on my mental calendar. For the past several months, I've really stepped up my effort. I've been applying all sorts of places online, I signed up with a couple employment agencies, and I have even forced myself to put aside my shyness and go out there to NETWORK (please. kill. me. now!).

I have gotten ZERO response (from established companies). I mean it. And I'm not some unqualified idiot drone type person either. I have plenty of experience, it's been varied so I can handle lots of different things, and I've always gotten great reviews from my peers and superiors alike. My resume is written properly and professionally, I have multiple resumes for various positions, I taylor each one to the job I'm applying for - I do all the right things, so how is it possible I'm getting CRICKETS?!

I do actually have some freelance projects for Pearson right now, and those are great because the money comes in a big chunk when I'm done. The timing is getting worrisome though because the end of these projects keep getting delayed, and Pearson takes 60 days to pay (SIXTY!) after you invoice, so the help from these projects may not come until it's too late.

If I'm being completely honest too, just in the last few days I've actually received three responses to jobs I applied for on craigslist, but I'm a bit afraid the pay will be too low so I might be wasting my time on those. But that's just in the last two to three days - literally. They do offer some hope.

I've been saying my affirmation and still getting the little odd jobs here and there, I've been expressing my gratitude for everything I DO have (because honestly, even on the limited budget, my life ROCKS compared to many), but I can't seem to break that barrier into having a true, reliable source of income again.

So tonight I go to the mailbox because I know my unemployment check is in there. Turns out there are THREE things from EDD (California's unemployment agency). I open the first one and it is a notice stating that I've reported some income on the last check period and confirming that the information I reported was correct. Superfluous paperwork wasting the taxpayer's money, I swear. If they would just put all this online, California would probably gain some of their revenue back.

Second piece of mail from them is the check for the OTHER week in the pay period where I did not report income. Thank God. That will be paying my rent tomorrow. And OMG... wait a minute... what is this? Is that balance correct? Turns out I have enough still in my reserve to go another ELEVEN weeks. Not just four. That is a HUGE relief. Not that I desire to be on unemployment another three months, but I was thinking I might be homeless by April! I'm not kidding! I've been pushing away all kinds of awful Hollywood-induced scenarios in my head.

Third piece of mail is a notice (AGAIN!) - apparently from the Redundant Department of Redundancy telling me I reported income on my last benefit period which is why I get nothing for that week. It says:

Note the wording: No benefits are payable because I reported EXCESSIVE EARNINGS. I had EXCESSIVE EARNINGS! That means A LOT OF INCOME! EXCESSIVE EVEN! And I can tell there is something about putting it this way that doesn't sound bad to my brain. I can't stress enough how key the emotion behind the thought is. The Universe hears your underlying intent, always. You cannot LIE to the Cosmos. Somehow this combination of words hits the Right Brain properly and FEELS as well as sounds like hey, I manifested LOTS of money! So much that I can't collect unemployment that week! Actually, it took me several months to make all that money, it just came in one check so I only had to report on one week, but still... EXCESSIVE INCOME! WOO!

I just thought their choice of words was so funny. This is how God talks to you though, if you care to listen. Little coincidences and hints. Divine winks. It's like a treasure hunt. I actually have to give the credit for the part of my personality that thrives on that to my Mom. Sometimes on birthdays and especially at Easter (not that we were ever Christian), she would write clues for me and leave a trail I had to follow and figure out to find my presents or the Easter basket. It was a lot of fun.

Not to get too far off the subject, but there was a day when my friend M and I were hiking, and met up with a guy that had FOUR dogs off leash on the trail. At first we were worried, but it was quickly obvious he had complete verbal control over these dogs. We asked him how he got them trained so well and he said, "I don't issue commands, I make it fun. Dogs respond to fun." I think humans do too. But I digress.

That's what I desire - excessive income all the time. Who doesn't want so much money in the bank they don't have to worry about it the rest of their lives?

Apparently I really need to write "the damn book" too (definitely the working title as I've already said it so often). Maybe that's how I will have excessive income forever. Last night I picked up a local publication that's been sitting around my room for weeks waiting to be read. On the front cover is a headline about a local guy that's a retired FBI agent (I've been wearing Katy's FBI sweatshirt a lot lately because it's so comfortable) who wrote a book that became a bestseller. Hmmm - FBI - books - authors. All words related to me in some way. I open the magazine looking for the article on the author and I "happen" to open to a half page ad with DRAGONFLY scrawled across it. Apparently this is the name of a new plant nursery in Pala. I couldn't have missed the word though if it was plastered to my face. Like the Universe calling my name. Some may find that too much of a stretch to qualify it as a message, but not me. If those subjects were all truly unrelated, I would've missed the memo.

One more last little wisdom sound bite for you... last night the bf and I were on IM talking about what he makes on Google AdSense. He has a regular day job right now as well. I was saying that what he makes JUST from ads would pay my bills every month. He related how it is important to make free money while you work someplace else if you want a really good income. (You don't have to tell me free money is good! DUH!) He says a friend of his put it best: Don't work on products, work on engines. Engines that make money while you're not there. I'm not surprised this made an impression on him since he's a train fanatic so the word "engine" would be something his brain would easily latch onto.

I had never thought of it in that way, but it clicked for me too. (Must be the product part of it and my marketing background.) Engines, not products. Just the idea the words portray indicate movement (i.e., INcome - incoming) vs. something stationary. He pointed out that a book is an engine because you will still be getting royalties (one would hope) long after you're working on the next one. I'd always viewed it as a product... until now.

So to circle back again to the original subject, I think I will modify my affirmation to: My income is EXCESSIVE all the time. And if the lottery or a book or some other form of free money is my engine, I'll gladly hop on and ride it as long as it goes!