Valentine's Day (Technically)

2.1.08

Books are always one of those sneaky wake up calls for me. They look all unassuming sitting on the shelf, then you open them up and BAM it's like God wrote you a really long letter and stuck the finished, bound product in your hand since you weren't really listening to all those subtle voice mails he left on your Univer-soul answering machine.

Up until today I hadn't read the famous book The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. I'd heard the author's name, but thought maybe he was a basketball player for the Lakers? How did I manage to miss this in all my spiritual reading? I'll have to chalk it up to "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." I really liked the chapters on love and relationships. Lots of good verses that make you think in there.

Another book I recently started reading is Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I first saw it while cruising through our intranet at work (as if cruising Barnes & Noble doesn't cost me enough, but at work I can get Penguin books for half price). I had it on my list, but many other necessities came before it. I saw it again a couple times at B&N, but I didn't want to pay full price for it so I waited. Mark bought it for me while I was in Texas, so that rocked. It's a good read too. Very parallel to some things in my life right now (minus the mental breakdown), and full of stories of her travel (which I intend to have in my future!).

2.14.08

We were in LA/Hollywood last week for a trade show, but stayed a few days extra for vacation as well. What a blast! Kinda took the sting out of some not so warm and fuzzy stuff that happened just before we left.

We saw the Walk of Fame, Chinese Theater, Universal Studios (tour, movie, and CityWalk), Pig & Whistle, LA Ink, Hollywood & Highland mall, took the requisite touristy pics of the Hollywood sign (I would've loved to hike up there if you're allowed, but didn't get around to it), saw Bushwalla live (and in concert) at The Mint, Santa Monica pier (a little lame except for the sunset pictures), local color at Venice Beach (fucking rocked), Rodeo Drive,

drove all the way to the top of the hill up Pacific Drive in Glendale, got a little nervous while driving through Almost East LA (we didn't know), Science Center (the only totally lame thing we ran across, but Mark says we're just spoiled by the museums in NYC)... we did it all.

Well, not all. We did not take any "celebrity home tours," nor did we make it to Warner Bros studio tour (which I hear is better than Universal); we didn't get to go to any vintage shops (there were so many too!), and we never made it up to the Griffith Park Observatory. It's all good though - gives me a reason to go back. I can't believe how much we packed in as it was. Mark even got to visit with a friend he knew when he lived in CA just after high school.

We stayed at the Celebrity Hotel on Orchid, which was charmingly vintage in a glamorous 50s kind of way. I love that it had a kitchenette. I immediately sought out the nearest Whole Foods (there were two! And a Trader Joe's! Score!) and ended up buying more than we could eat during our stay. I hope the front desk guy really did offer the rest to someone who would use it. I hate wasting food. There was a Starbucks in walking distance too.

We both agreed we could totally see some famous movie star overdosing in the bathroom of this place, and the cops busting in to find them lying on the floor in a coma. (Something about black and white checkered bathroom floors with bright yellow walls makes me think that... go figure.)

We had a really good time. Mark was disappointed with the amazing smog that was hanging over LA though. It made photos a challenge sometimes, and I didn't like thinking about breathing it (how does anyone living there escape lung cancer?!), but I've heard the stories, so I guess I kind of expected it. I didn't want to think too hard about what that meant to the environment because I really wanted (and needed) to be happy on this trip. I saved all our plastics in a bag hoping the maids would recycle them. It doesn't make up for much, but I didn't want to contribute to the ickiness either.

We took a red eye back on Sunday night, arriving at JFK at 5am Monday morning. (Yes, we are apparently INSANE.) It was weird watching the sun set over LA, hopping a plane, then watching it rise over NYC only a few hours later. (Shortest. Night. Ever.) After manipulating baggage and driving home through Manhattan's OverAchiever Rush Hour (6:30-7:30 am) I was just getting home at the time I should've jumped in the shower to go to work. And here I had the misconception that somewhere in there I was going to get a couple hours of sleep. HA. I called and told them I'd be late and they were very cool about it.

We're going to San Diego in the Spring. Mark wants to see what a west coast city is like sans smog, and of course that's really where I intend to live eventually. We're even going to check out apartments and such while we're there.

So today is Valentine's Day (well, in California it still is) and we went to see the movie Definitely Maybe with Ryan Reynolds as our date. It was really cute. It's a chick flick, but I love those. (My Cinderella complex totally eats that shit up.) Even though I can barely look at Reynolds without seeing Van Wilder, he did a good job of playing Average Guy Without A Clue That Finally Comes Around, also known as Every Woman's Improbable Wet Dream. Mark says I'm like the character April, the cool chick with red hair that drinks tea and doesn't like politics and reads lots of books. Those characters are usually the ones I like best in movies like that. I guess minus the international travel, that is very like me. (Although in the movies these chicks always work in awesome coffee shops and bookstores - I'd like to know how they pay rent in NYC working minimum wage jobs?! I don't think you could live in a closet in NYC for minimum wage! Or maybe they just don't eat - like ever. That would explain the skinny ones.) I hope someday I can get my finances back in order and remove the "minus" before that travel thing. I think I'd go to London first, then Scotland, and I'd have to hit Ireland since I'm already on the island. India, Morocco, and Greece are also on my list. Maybe Rome, and I'd like to see Venice but I hear it really smells. (Which makes me think "Listen! Do you smell something?") Tuscan countryside definitely, and the south of France would be cool. And Hawaii... I'd love to experience that. (Nothing romantic about any of those places, right? What can I say. Maybe I should just run away to Hollywood and be an actress so I can play all those parts and get it over with.)

Speaking of old 80s movies, we saw a preview for a new Indiana Jones and awesomely, Harrison Ford is still going to play the part. How fucking cool is that? I am so stoked. IMDB says it comes out in October. Katy's really into the two National Treasure movies lately and I keep saying "We need to watch Indiana Jones - they were even better." We borrowed the DVDs from a friend, but haven't got to it yet. I hope they're timeless films that are still as funny as they were back then. I haven't seen them in forever. It's disappointing when you go back and watch a film you remember as being so funny and awesome, but the jokes are stale because you don't remember the references that were part of the pop culture then.

Damn, 2:30am. It's no wonder I'm always tired until the weekend comes around. There's just so much to DO though (fun or not). Funny how time is all we have, yet there never seems to be enough of it. I have another Giancoli chapter to proof too; this one's on particle physics. My favorite. I can already feel my brain starting to hurt from the expansion. Ha. :)

Pictures of California coming as soon as I have time to download them from the camera. I took lots of video too, but I haven't even made time to compile the video from Texas in November yet. :sigh: More time! I need more hours!

My Brain is Bubbling Over

Does anyone else find it odd how often apples pop up in the arts and sciences? I mean, why not oranges or kiwis or bananas? Why are we not "as American as cherry pie" since the story of George Washington's cherry tree would be a more logical association in our country?

The question came to mind because I'm watching a show from the Science channel talking about wormholes, and the guy says the term came from using the analogy of a worm burrowing through an apple to reach the other side.

Other famous apple shenanigans:

1. Newton's experience with Earth-bound fruit, contributing to his theories of gravity and motion (and he was NOT hit on the head - he only observed the apple falling and wondered why it always went straight down instead of any other direction).
2. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." This idea probably goes back all the way to Hippocrates and other Greek physicians living in Rome that declared the fruit good for digestion and constitution, but the actual phrase was more recently made famous in 1904 by J.T. Stinson in an address to the St. Louis Exposition.
3. Adam and Eve's downfall after eating an apple in the Garden of Eden. (Which is also not true - there is no mention on an apple in the book of Genesis, only "the fruit of the tree." I'm thinking the assumption it was an apple probably came from the painting The Fall of Man in 1470 by Hugo Van Der Goes, in which the Tree of Knowledge is depicted as an apple tree, but Cecil Adams from The Straight Dope has some interesting ideas about it too in his article here.)
4. In Greek mythology we have Eris and the Apple of Discord, the golden apple tree that was Zeus & Hera's wedding gift from Gaia (Mother Earth), and the golden apples that Venus gave to Milanion to drop in Atlanta's path so she would lose the race and he would win her hand in marriage.
5. I'd suggest that the tradition of "an apple for teacher" may have come from the incorrect Biblical association of apples with knowledge, but since that story includes negative connotations as well, and I can't find anything else on the net, I'll go with the other theory that fruit was not always easy to get "back in the day" so a poorly-paid teacher may not have been able to afford such luxuries, causing an apple to be a greater gift than we would consider it in modern times.
5. Legendary apple fables and stories: William Tell, Johnny Appleseed, and Snow White.
6. And seriously, how much of a coincidence is it really that the most rad computer company ever is named Apple? I'm just sayin.

What makes apples such Fruity Royalty? And why does everyone assume the apples in all those examples above (save the last one) were red? Well, I guess cuz red ones are sweet and green ones are tart, but y'know, being a little tart once in awhile gives you a better chance at being in the history books. :D

~*~

I was looking through the Astronomy Pictures of the Day for pics to add to my Cosmos screen saver, and I found this:

http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap071216.html

At first glance it only looks like a mangle of colors, but if you unfocus your eyes you'll see a 3D image of a teapot. Too fuckin cool. If you can't see it, pick one of the darker turquoise blotches to the right or left of center, about midway down the picture, and just stare at that one spot without blinking; eventually you should start to see the teapot take shape out of the corner of your eye. It will look like it's floating in the foreground. It's a matter of perception, like seeing a 3D cube drawn on a 2D piece of paper. Of course, thinking about perception sent me off on all kinds of physics tangents.

When I was a kid, I used to color in these geometric books called Altair Designs. I think I've mentioned them in a previous blog but I'm too lazy to go find where. My friend Christina and I would color in all the shapes (with artist's markers - the precise lines don't work well with crayons), then look at it out of focus (as described above) and see different patterns in the geometry (not something as tangible as the teapot of course). It was like we'd done two pictures instead of one at the same time. We called it "blurring our eyes." (Gimme a break, I was like, 8.)

It freaks me out thinking this is related to holographic principles, because who the fuck finds this kind of information on their own at that age (and remembers it clearly in their adult years)? Then again, what kid chooses geometric coloring books and fancy pens over the standard cartoon character/Crayola scenario? (I always found regular coloring books infinitely boring as a kid.) Not that I realized looking at a picture with blurry focus had anything to do with theoretical physics until now.

But still.

Weirdness.

I've spent most of my adult years trying to feel "normal" because kids always thought I was weird and they couldn't relate to the things I wanted to play. Maybe they were right. I'm just strange.

Thinking about perception and the holographic principle represented by that picture reminded me of my previous theory (described in the last couple paragraphs of this entry) about how maybe we create the Universe with our thoughts, holding it separate from the Whole by using imagination and water. If you can see either a flat bunch of colorful shapes, or a 3D floating teapot in the same picture, depending on your perception, why couldn't our entire existence be the same way? (No, I have not read The Holographic Universe yet, but it's on my list. I'm sure it has similar ideas.)

In my speculation of our reality being created through a star, I was picturing something like a soap bubble on a stick (cuz everything's better on a stick! sorry - ren faire joke), where our experiences all take place inside the bubble, the star is the circle part of the wand, and creation comes from imagination, or original intent/thought, represented by breath on the other side of the circle (i.e., air being blown through the circle to create the bubble).

Credit: istockphoto.com

I was reading the Wikipedia definition of "holographic principles" and it says:

"...a speculative conjecture about quantum gravity theories... claiming that all of the information contained in a volume of space can be represented by a theory which lives in the boundary of that region. In other words, if you have a room, you can model all of the events within that room by creating a theory which only takes into account what happens in the walls of the room."

Gives the phrase "if walls could talk" a whole nother dimension. haha

So comparing that definition to my bubble picture, it seems to be saying much the same thing. In order to describe our entire universe, all we need is the information (intent/thought) that creates the film separating the air inside the bubble from the air outside the bubble, but what if the information only creates an illusion of separation? Yes, I know, been there, done that, what rock have I been living under? The illusion itself is not my point - I want to know how we find ourselves in the middle of this illusion and can we change our perception so we can see what we've created from outside the illusion. Is that what happens at death? We get to see the bubble from outside?

Credit: nanopedia.case.edu

Does the following picture represent what we're currently seeing from inside the bubble?

Credit: funsci.com

Perhaps multiple dimensions then look like this:

Credit: Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory

Ironically, in looking for that picture I found a whole article on this very theory, using the same analogy, and one of the first scientists quoted was Michio Kaku at City College in New York, one of the very same scientists in the show I was watching earlier that started this whole train of thought.

Coincidence? Get real.

Get the Funk Out

I am Bummed (yes, with a capital B). Maybe it's the weather that stays grey all day but refuses to snow (or when it does snow, it's big wet nasty flakes that just make the roads dangerous). Maybe it's because I'm tired of being cold. Maybe it's being sick with bronchitis for going on two weeks now. Maybe it's because I "did the responsible thing" and didn't go to the Mraz concert in Vermont a couple days ago (responsibility is the sucky part of being an adult) or the fact that my credit is royally screwed from bad past decisions and I can't fix it overnight. Maybe it's the fact that I can't even fucking think in this house because there is constant noise and commotion and people coming through the door and the dog freaking out, or maybe I'm just tired and cranky. It's stupid that I feel this way because good things have been happening, but I can't seem to shake this funk no matter how many times I go over the list of things I'm grateful for. I'm just not feelin it. Is that bad or just human?

Here's some of the good things:

I got my "Irony" tshirt from Blend yesterday. Jon is so good to me. These things aren't even for sale on the web site yet, but he sent me one in advance because he's cool like that.

IT finally received my new MacBook Pro at work so I traded in the Dell I've been working on and thankfully kicked Windows to the curb once again. It's awesome that I've worked in so many Apple-user offices. In fact, I think the porn company was the only non-Mac corporate outfit I've worked for (if you can call them corporate). Oops, no, the lawyers used DOS-based machines. (Yikes! How old is DOS?) Whatever the ratio is of Mac offices to Windows offices, I'm sure I've beat the statistic for someone who isn't involved with Information Technology.

Steve Jobs' keynote address at MacWorld was awesome. The new toys are all really cool. As soon as I make my first bazillion dollars I'm buying them all. I fantasize about working at HQ in Cupertino (especially since I've seen it now). Yes, I could be the poster child for Macaholics Anonymous. It's the grace in design that brings out the love. Sure, there are other products that do some things better or offer features the Mac doesn't, but do they look that awesome doing it?

I've got some travel coming up - Marie's baby shower is next week in Texas, and Mark and I are going to LA in early February. Yay.

Found new Mraz videos on YouTube tonight. Apparently he played a closed show in NYC last night. Just kill me now. I don't get to see him in Vermont, then he's right next door and I don't even know it. Well, actually I had a really weird unexplainable vibe the other day at work and I had the thought that he might be in the area, but I blew it off as logical speculation - I mean duh, he lived in NYC so he must have friends here to visit. :sigh: One of these days I'm going to start believing my intuitions and then we'll all be in trouble. The videos really shouldn't be posted because they're songs from the new cd. I wrote to the dude to let him know, but that's all I can do to help. I was sure happy to hear them though. Made my night. And hey, I don't feel quite so funky anymore.

When I Look at the Stars

I stood outside tonight at 3am wrapped in a blanket staring out at the stars. I couldn't find Orion between the trees and the roof, but perhaps it was too late in the evening (or the season) for that. I'm not very good at remembering what stars will be where when; I'm just grateful for whatever the sky offers when I look.

You can't see quite as many from here as from the deck in South Carolina, but I know the same ones are there whether we can see them or not. NYC outshines a lot of them. I wonder what it was like hundreds of years ago before electric lights drenched our view. Do you suppose that's why we've become the way we are? Not only have we made ourselves so busy we've forgotten to look up, but we've actually thrown our own cloak of artificial light over our faces, making it impossible to see beyond the end of our noses even when we want to. For many people out of sight means out of mind. Are we ignoring the truth of our beginnings?

It's been awhile since the blanket of clouds was thrown aside to expose the heavens. They looked like diamonds sparkling between the naked branches of slumbering trees. We still have Christmas lights on our bushes out front and the other night when I arrived home after dark it occurred to me that the reason I prefer white lights on the bushes could be because it looks like the stars have all fallen into the shrubs.

~*~

I haven't checked in with the Runes lately so I pulled one the other night. I found Isa staring back from my palm. I found it amusing since I had thought of it before I even pulled one from the bag. I'm not sure if it was a product of my thoughts or if it was just confirming what I already knew. Winter and stillness are the messages of this rune (how appropriate in the middle of our NE winter when the temp has been down in the teens and all you want to do is stay in the house by the fire or under the blankets!). It indicates a period of waiting things out, a freeze on all useful activity, plans on hold. You could call it the hibernation of the soul. I do feel that's where I am, but it's not a bad feeling, just a waiting game until I can move forward another step; like the short space between breathing in and breathing out when you're really doing neither. Not sure what the next step is, but I think it will be in a good direction when it comes.

~*~

I'm off to watch the rest of the Zeitgeist movie. Ironically, I'd been sent a link to a portion of it on YouTube months ago, but I didn't realize that's what it was. The portion I saw only covered the similarities of Christ's birth story and many other mythologies from ancient times (explaining the whole story of Christmas). I've always known Christianity was just a repackaged version of former beliefs (my favorite expression to describe that particular religion: "The Greatest Story Ever Sold"), but this movie lays out the correlations really well. I can't imagine how anyone with a brain can deny that it's simply a story meant to control the masses. People take it all so literally tho. I guess if it keeps you out of trouble it can't be all bad, but my instinct says that's the lazy man's way of interacting with God. It's not always fun, but it's definitely more entertaining and exciting to seek your own Truth.

I've got it zipped up and on the server for a short while if you're interested. Just click here to download. If you have trouble getting it to play, you may need to install the xvid codec, available here.

Wrapping Up 2007

Random thoughts (that went long):

I had to put Earl down a couple days ago. It sucked balls, as expected, and I cried so hard I have another headache just thinking about it. It was better than looking at him suffering though, which he started to do the night before. I wish I could’ve taken him in right then because watching his ragged breathing was awful, but Oradell Animal Hospital’s Emergency service is the most ridiculous bunch of BS I’ve ever regretfully dealt with in the past. They won’t let you be with the animal when it’s put down, the doctors are condescending, and for all that they charge you out the ass. No. I won't have it. It’s selfish that I made Earl wait 6 hours until my regular vet opened, but I just couldn’t let him die alone from a hand that didn’t give a shit, and then be in debt for it. NO. NO. NO.

As it was, Dr. Welch wasn’t at Franklin Lakes A.H. when I went in and Dr. Kozak was the one to play Grim Reaper. Fitting, since she’s the one who broke my dog when we took Jazz in for X-Rays (Jazz came home with cold tail, which is caused by overworking a dog's muscles). I wasn’t thrilled, especially since she charged me for an office visit simply because I wanted to be with Earl when she put him under (that would’ve never happened with Dr. Welch), but I figured she can’t possibly fuck up killing an animal.

He’s at peace now though, whole and perfect again, and not in any pain. I hope Zeus was kind enough to meet him at the bridge and help him get acquainted with the new existence.

Edwyn, his cagemate, seems unaffected for the most part, except that he’s taken to scaring the shit out of me by sleeping entirely on his side with his big ol’ feet sticking straight out like he’s dead. I wonder if he thinks it’s a joke. Wilbur did the same thing to me, but only once. Edwyn's been doing it daily. I tried pushing Edwyn’s and Wilbur’s cages closer together, hoping maybe the two wimps (I say that affectionately) of my chinchilla herd would get along and live together, but they spent a good 30 minutes posturing and biting the bars between them, erping threats across the divide. There’s nothing funnier than pissed off fuzzy rats. How can something that cute get so mad?

~*~

Everywhen is my new favorite word. I found it today in a Wikipedia description of “Dreaming” as defined by Australian Aborigines. What can I say? One click leads to another. I’m not even sure how I got there, but it’s been an interesting read.

Credit for coining the term goes to Emeritus Professor W.E.H. “Bill” Stanner (1905-1981), an anthropologist I fully intend to check out further.

“He coined the terms the "Great Australian Silence" and "everywhen" in the 1968 Boyer Lectures titled "After the Dreaming", reflecting on the silence on Indigenous Australians in Australian history after white settlement.”

Go Bill!

As I read more about this exclusion of the Aborigines' story from Australia’s historical accounts, I see the root of the problem is that the Aborigines were basically ignored as if they weren’t even there when the British were writing the history books - and the legal books - for Australia. Sound familiar Native Americans? How ‘bout you Maoris? WTF? Was I sleeping during this lecture in high school or are we so narcissistic in America that it was deemed too unimportant to include in the curriculum of basic education? Why were/are Anglo-Saxons so afraid of indigenous people, or anyone not of A-S descent for that matter? What put this insane fear into us white people?

My gut tells me it’s because somewhere deep in the subconscious we recognize that these are the people that can debunk the bullshit of organized religions and patriarchal hierarchies. These are the keepers of the Truth that remember how and why we are here, and if enough of us acknowledge that primordial Truth (because the memory will never completely leave our genes), there is fear that the Few will no longer control the Many. Oh, calamity. :rolls eyes:

Fear is such a twisted, ugly thing. Just look how it’s changed the tone of this entry already. I started out fine, now I’m pissed and upset. I don’t even want to be – this started out with a cool new word that I love the concept of. I gotta let it run its course now tho cuz I don’t want it sticking around.

Have you looked at any given politician or national religious figure lately and noticed their twisted visage compared to someone truly considered “good people?” Go look. Pay attention. The longer they’ve been at the game, and the more corrupt they are, the more twitches, the more immobility of their mouth, the more lines (aka lies) are written on their face. PR people can only hide so much with makeup and hair color and carefully chosen wardrobe. Read between the lines and on most accounts, you’ll find a shriveled, starving soul. It just makes me sad that there are so many like this. And it takes being outside that groupthink to see it. And if you’re outside, you’re spending so much time defending your position, how can you expect to live and discover and create? But that’s what they want – robots, not creators. :sigh:

My thoughts are that the solution lies in respect and acceptance among all levels of living beings. Yeah, this isn’t new info, even to me, but I’m just riding this train of thought to get it down in a communicable media because obviously there are still people out there that don’t get it and someday I hope to wake those people up.

Of course the key to respect and acceptance is an absence of fear, e.g., Love. We all have a place in the world, but our place is not all the same, and thank goodness for that! What a boring existence it would be if everyone was on exactly the same level. Peace can only come when all levels of beings respect all other levels of beings, and accept their Here-and-Now Place on Earth. That doesn’t mean they can’t move betwixt and between levels, just that whatever level they may currently be on, they still must respect the creativity of all the other levels. Guess I'm not respecting the level of the fear-mongering politicians, but it would be nice to just not have fear at all.

Humans. It’s no wonder the Gods weep sometimes. :shakes head:

Ok, I’m done with that.

~*~

I completed my 39th year on the planet yesterday, and with a gentle breath over sugar-laden candles officially celebrated my existence through another turn around the Sun. 39 doesn’t feel as old as it looks. Sometimes I wonder if because I can’t seem to sync up with the clock everyone else abides by, maybe time is counted differently for me. My hair disagrees, but there are means of persuasion for that and I’ve been considering them more seriously lately despite my vow never to go there. (Yeah, let’s pour toxic chemicals on our largest organ at the closest point to the brain! That sounds like a good idea! Take up smoking and go on a fast food diet too, why doncha? Meanwhile, Vanity whispers in my ear, “Red-gold is so much sexier than grey. No one’s gettin’ out of here alive anyway. C’mon, you know you want to.”)

The word “never” is always the kiss of death for my vows.

[Note to self: If I ever do acquiesce to marriage, make sure “never” is banned from the script!]

~*~

My Father’s Good Name is a brilliant UK duo working on their success story. The following is a reply I posted to Mike’s blog about his ex-girlfriend becoming engaged to the person she was cheating on him with. He’s hurt and angry, as anyone in that situation would be, and asks for opinions from the readers. I’m posting my reply here for archival purposes because these words reflect part of who I am and what I think about romantic relationships:

One of my most favorite sayings comes to mind here - When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

Relationships are so unique, each with its own set of trials and justifications, but personally I think they are what helps us evolve most here in this Everywhen, and so they are ALL worthwhile in some way. If you can come to see them as learning opportunities, for better or worse, then you will find yourself better able to enjoy the ups, and deal with the downs more constructively.

My own view is that each person in a relationship must be a Whole unto themselves, walking along a shared path. It's more of a "you compliment me" thing than a "you complete me" thing. I'm not sure sacrifice should be part of love; compromise yes. Sacrifice implies something you don't really want to do and normally ends up in resentment. Compromise is something you're willing to do; it may be uncomfortable, but it won't violate your boundaries. It's understandable why so many people don't know where to draw their line, and no doubt the line is blurry to boot.

I cheated once in high school and it didn't involve any sex, just a date with a guy that I'd been interested in for years, but we'd only been friends up to that point. I was found out by my boyfriend, in person, and the pain it caused me to see how much I'd hurt them both made me never want to burn the candle at both ends again.

On the other hand, I seem to attract cheating men like bees to honey and I haven't yet figured out why. Perhaps it's just the lot of those born with (natural) red hair and absentee fathers? :chuckle: It's taught me that you must absolutely be honest with yourself, know your own boundaries, and accept others for who they are. And I'm still learning.

Honor your anger, but don't let it eat you up. Put a limit on how long you're willing to feel it, then do what's necessary to move on, and be firm with yourself because the temptation will be there to slip into self pity. If your relationship with this girl didn't work out, that must mean it was only meant for a short while, not forever. Forever is a very long time, and outgrowing a relationship is not a crime.

In every situation, there is much to be grateful for. Imagine what it will be like to look behind you and see this relationship from the light of something more in tune with your boundaries and beliefs. Be thankful for the songs that will come of it (just maybe a #1 hit!), and the wisdom you'll now have for application in the next relationship.

Remember you can only control YOU, and you can't go wrong if love is your true intent behind your actions. Picture holding onto the lesson while the emotions sift through your soul and back into the universe. If you retain the knowledge gained in the lesson, chances are you won't have to repeat the course. :)

~*~

My 2007 Highlight Reel:

~ Traveled to San Jose in January to visit Mom (she was there for a work project) and discovered I LOVE Santa Cruz (but San Diego would still be first choice). Successfully completed my goal of sticking my feet in both oceans in this lifetime, communed with the redwoods (which was awesome), and updated my memory of San Fran from 6th grade. Also saw (from the highway) Apple Headquarters - the Mother Ship. ::cue celestial angel choir::

~ Went to Joe’s house in SC for a weekend of solitude in February and discovered how amazing it is to get lost in the stars while sipping chai on the deck, wrapped in blankets, even when it’s only 32 degrees out.

~ Mark and I went to Tempe in March and I got to see “the old place.” Confirmed that I don’t miss it that much, although it’s great to visit while the NE is still frozen!

~ Katy turned 18 in May so she’s officially an adult (just wish she’d act more like one!).

~ Katy graduated in June (thank God!) and my goal of making sure my kid at least has a high school diploma was met.

~ Tried to go to Marie’s first anniversary party in June, but the plane got grounded because of weather and since I was on a free ticket they couldn't reroute me. This started a trend of planes being grounded when I’m on them. If you have trouble getting out of the airport, check the roster and see if I'm on your plane. I will try to break this curse in 2008.

~ Took my second trip to SC in September for a Mraz concert at Converse College. Survived heart skipping several beats. I hung around early and watched them set up hoping to run into him, but no luck. My only regret is not staying after to see if I could untie my tongue this time. We would have so much to talk about, but I feel so guilty doing that knowing he’s tired after a show and not into meeting fans at that point, then there's that chronic shyness thing. Still absolutely an AWESOME time.

~ Mark and I had a rad Halloween party and I realized how many friends I’ve made at Pearson (very cool).

~ First class trip to Dallas in November to visit Marie & Scott and attend TRF with them. Plane was only grounded for a couple hours. Met Bud “the Commander” (former Hell’s Angel) and discovered another badass biker that turned his life into something awesome (and legal). I am duly impressed. Shit, I still have to get him a Rutgers tshirt and hat as promised.

~ Awesome New Year’s Eve party with many of the same friends from Halloween, plus some that didn't make it last time. Included the shouted countdown at midnight while the ball in NYC dropped on our TV. (Not literally.) Ending the year in a Kodak moment always rules.

My new mantra for 2008: More travel, less stuff.

I’m out! Thank you New York! Goodnight!