Friday, March 07, 2008

More iROny

Isn't it funny that we need something this big:

Large Hadron Collider at CERN

to find subatomic particles so small that we haven't been able to prove they exist yet? (Did you see the GUY standing in the middle of that thing? Look toward the middle bottom.)

Another question came to me last night when I couldn't stop my Monkey Mind from flinging poo long enough to get any sleep: If there are such strict rules about the disposal of bio-medical waste (picture those little red containers with the hazard symbol on them), why is it okay to give cremated human remains back to the family in an unsealed urn?

And how gross is it when people spread those ashes over some outside place and the wind catches them? The next time you leave your house, you could literally be breathing someone in, and not in a romantic, hot-breath-on-the-nape-of-your-neck kind of way. Ech.


Speaking of the smog of humanity, I finally updated my blog about our recent trip to LA/Hollywood to include pictures. Yay!


Oh yes, I promised a recounting of my weird dream.

In my dream I was in Tempe, Arizona driving along the Salt River (it was to my right). I was in a black sports car and I was going kind of fast because sports cars do that to me. (I totally blame Speed Racer, my favorite cartoon as a kid. I'm sure my name is Trixie in another lifetime.)

I took a sharp right turn onto what I thought was a bridge because it arched over the river, however, once I was speeding up the "bridge" I saw that it was actually a piece of art. It was a sandstone-colored, tube-like arch, and I was traveling along the outside of the tube. The car was kind of wobbling because the tube was not as wide as the car, but the tire edges were catching just enough traction to keep me careening along the edge. I knew I couldn't hit the brakes or I'd fall into the river.

As I crested the arch I saw in the middle there was a big black sphere connecting the two sides. I knew the tires would lose grip as I passed over the sphere so I gunned it and took off through the air, like any good Mach 5 would've done (because Newtonian physics don't apply in the Dreamtime; pity it didn't make the cool noise).

I had that feeling in my stomach you get on roller coasters as you head down the big hill and I couldn't tell if I would make it across the river or not, but I knew if I hit the water instead of the land on the other side, I would die so I was trying to concentrate really hard on making the car go far enough to hit land.

And then I woke up.


It's like I tried to finish the dream the second time and the Universe said, "Oh no you don't - no peeking! Wake up!"

The symbology is pretty obvious with my recent stress, and I've had dreams before where it felt so much like I was there I woke up in a panic, but this one really freaked me out because both times I felt like waking up was causing me to die in the dream. Like if I had only stayed asleep another few seconds I would've been able to will the car across far enough to hit land and survive, but because I woke up, I lost concentration and I knew I would die in the dream even though I didn't see it happen.

It makes me wonder if the reason I'm worried about the coastal decision is because this is one of those major etheric crossroads where realities branch out in different directions, never to meet on this conscious plane again. I know that even if I chose to stay on the East coast for another year, it's not like I couldn't go to California later, but I think if I wait I'll be following an entirely different path, if that makes any sense.

I absolutely believe we create our own realities, but I also believe there are certain inevitable, unavoidable milestones our higher selves set up for us along the way. These are things that are unaffected by our decisions - we may choose how we reach them, but reach them we will. Then we can choose again how to move on from there. Trouble is, I feel nothing less than Happiness itself is hanging in the balance.

What? Too dramatic? At least I'm learning to listen to my intuition instead of blowing it off.


CSD Faux Finishing said...

I think if I wait I'll be following an entirely different path, if that makes any sense

It makes PERFECT sense to me...I have been pushing that same feeling aside for almost 20 years and although I don't allow myself regrets it does seem to take a little bit of my soul away every time I revise the plan to move to SoCal. We have actually picked our move date though, it is actually in the calendar this time & the reason it is so far out is purely because we are not 18 and can not live on the land anymore. We have financial messiness to clean up here first and then it is see ya east coast!

I know you are just thinking through the keys & this is totally unsolicited advice but I say do it when it is right for you & live with NO REGRETS!!!

BTW, check yuku mail, I think it went through but who knows. If you want you can just write me directly :)

Diana said...

Oh man, I completely relate. I've recently been going through a very similar internal debate (about moving).

A HUGE part of me knows I'm ready and it's right - the other part of me (the more vocal one) is scared shitless.

In the end it's all about trust, isn't it?

I'm so glad I stumbled upon your blog!

Cheers, Diana