Thursday, December 18, 2008

Advaita

Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase, each other
doesn’t make any sense.

-Rumi

I know it's been just shy of a month since I posted anything. Not that many people read my blog, but for those who may check in from time to time, I am still here, hanging out on the edge of our planet. My brain continues churning out writing ideas daily, but they are incomplete thoughts, scrawled quickly in notes on my desktop, both virtual and physical. My mantra has become "I shall get to it eventually." (Bad bad bad, but only because I make it so.)

I'd like to say my soul is lying in a beautiful field of warm grass, my world too full to talk about, but the truth is my spirit has been lollygagging in a bog of fear of non-survival. My regular salary is not covering the expense of beautiful San Diego, yet I am unwilling or unable to give up "things" (space, privacy, morals... haha) to reduce the outgoing; therefore, my other choice is to increase the incoming. I've been taking on side projects to make up the difference because even tho I'm aware of my foolishness, I'm still reluctant to just let go and allow something better to manifest. Stupid, isn't it? We all have our demons.

I'm fortunate in that at least I've had an abundance of extra work recently and eventually the money will start rolling in from that, giving me some breathing room. Of course the work has to get done first so that's just about all I've been doing. In the few moments of freedom I've stolen here and there, I've chosen meditation, friends, or simply sitting in the sun over writing. Hence, no blog posts.

It is what it is tho.

And what it is is all the same.
Duality is just a game.
Freedom from name, that's what I crave,
a retreat to the cave
of Self.

And I shall get to it eventually. :)

2 comments:

Jenn said...

I must admit girl, I have been missing you but there are almost no words to express how much I identified with this up until tonight

my spirit has been lollygagging in a bog of fear of non-survival

We too are in a precarious financial, let's just call it, situation so I must tell you about the movie we literally just got finished watching. Its called Peaceful Warrior. The book, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman I could not get through but the concept I was really behind so I wanted to see what the movie had to offer. After watching the movie I am feeling so much better about life, love, the pursuit of nothing specific but the acceptance of everything at this moment. It is all about living in the now. You may love the book so I would suggest checking it out. Either of them really. I am trying to strip back the fear and just be here in exactly what is happening at this moment. Always good to remind ourselves.

I am sending happy vibes your way for enjoying your time -- hey there is really something to be said for hanging with friends, having steady work & being in the sun right?

Will catch up on everything going on soon. Miss you but think of you often :)

Jenn

draagonfly said...

I've read the Peaceful Warrior but it was long long ago in a land far away. LOL I should probably read it again, just like I've been wanting to read a bazillion other spiritual books on my shelf. It's all good tho. I recognize where I'm at, and why, and the days when my Left Brain hasn't pinned me down The Right Side is working on creating something better. Awareness is half the magic. :) Deep down I know everything is already ok. I am still grateful to live in California EVERY DAY. It's AWESOME here. Worth every lollygagging thought. LOL

I'm sure your own situation will turn around soon. Choose love consistently. You're doing the things you love to do already and I admire the hell outta that. :)

We'll catch up soon!